change is inevitable. we all know that. some changes are easier to accept than others. the change that happened to me in 2011 has been the most difficult thing I've been through. my whole world changed that year with one small sentence and a signature:
"that the bonds of matrimony heretofore and now existing between the parties are dissolved and forever set aside, and that the plaintiff is granted a divorce from the defendant."
and that was it. my marriage of 18 years, which i thought would be forever, was over.
at the beginning of 2011, my husband decided he needed a change in his life, so he left. divorce papers were filed in the middle of the year. by the end of 2011, a divorce was granted. the most devastating change of my life had occurred.
at times, i wasn't sure i was going to make it through the hardness of what i was going through. at one point i wondered, if i had a choice, what would i choose: the year of hell i went through in 1987 when i was in a car accident that left me paralyzed and in a wheelchair; when i sustained multiple internal injuries which almost took my life over and over and over again; when i spent 6 1/2 months in the hospital just trying to live....or would i choose the year of hell i went through in 2011 when my husband left. in my mind i chose 1987. after 5 years of pondering this, i do know divorce is more painful...
through this change in my life, i am learning many great and wonderful things. i've learned that i am stronger than i ever thought. i've learned i can do really hard things. i've learned that i will not break. i've learned kindness, humility, love, patience and hope. i've learned how to truly forgive. i've learned, amidst the most terrible experience i've been a part of, life is still a blessing. you know that expression "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger?" if that statement is true, here's how i feel i should look right about now...
i am steph. while i may not be able to physically stand, i will stand for goodness and faith and hope!